Wave Turbine Syndrome Scares Everyone

Opposition to new wave power technology planned for deployment on Australia’s south coast has raised its furrowed brow, after the announcement that the “scary machine” had been constructed and would be installed in coming months. A grassroots group known as ‘SeaFloor Guardians’ was hastily registered for tax evasion purposes on Monday, funded by generous donations from a consortium of coal companies.  Group spokesperson, Dr. Lara Worry, said that there needed to be at least 50 years of research into the health impacts of wave energy before they could support the project.  “We just don’t know what these machines will do.  My … Continue reading Wave Turbine Syndrome Scares Everyone

Redneck Holy Grail

Geneticists have declared Australia is the ‘Holy Grail’ for selective genetic technology that might actually prove useful, in a report issued by the illustrious, but otherwise useless, medical journal Genetics ‘r Us. Struggling for many years to find an application for genetic technology that serves more purpose than growing a human ear on the back of a mouse, or pumping out clones of a stupid sheep, the international geneticist fraternity/sorority has decided to apply their splicing skills to locating and removing the gene that makes many people stupid. In pursuit of this lofty aim, geneticists have decided to focus their research … Continue reading Redneck Holy Grail

Welcome To City

The Prime Moron of Australia, tony abbott, has rolled out the welcome mat for indigenous Australians to relocate to major cities, by reminding them that they live in the desert and that cities are way better and you can get stuff in cities that you can’t get in the desert. In a political master-stroke, abbott has saved the nation (and the good state of Western Australia) many millions of dollars and enticed entire remote indigenous communities to relocate to the city, simply by making them aware that governments cannot “endlessly subsidise lifestyle choices if those lifestyle choices are not conducive to the kind … Continue reading Welcome To City

Tony and The Greyhounds Save Australia

In yet another leak from the ranks of the ailing government, it was revealed that a weekend brain-storming session was convened in the Prime Moron’s Office (PMO), and that a unanimous decision was made to use asylum seekers from offshore detention centres as live bait to draw terrorists from their suburban spider-holes. In light of recent revelations about the continued use of live baiting for the ‘blooding’ of racing dogs all around Australia, an idea was formed in the bright minds running the PMO. Convening a secret meeting on Sunday morning, the PMO facilitated a brain-storming session to capitalise on the … Continue reading Tony and The Greyhounds Save Australia

We Will Tsunami You

Australia is to develop a fleet of tsunami generators to wreak revenge on foreign powers who ignore this great nation’s pleas for clemency, PM abbott said on Sunday. He reminded Indonesia that Australia was “exceedingly generous and, aah, helpful” in the aftermath of the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami.  He further stated that if planned executions went ahead, Australia would “certainly find ways to make our displeasure felt.”*  When questioned on what those ways might be, abbott responded, with a sparkle in his eye, “those little buggers better know how to swim.  If they haven’t learnt from, aah, observing my stroke, well, … Continue reading We Will Tsunami You