The great and proud nation of Australia, bending to the will of its morally pure citizenry, recently completed a Royal Commission into misconduct and corruption in the very necessary and super important Banking Industry.
Since the release of the Commission’s report yesterday, the whole country has stood almost motionless with jaws agape, unable to even process the findings in that report that revealed that the banking system was … wait for it … overflowingly full of thieves.
“No Fucking Way!?!” is the phrase that has been trending on social platforms for well over 24 hours. In fact, #NoFuckingWay overtook #BankingRC as the top trending hashishtag on the Twitts within just 42 minutes of the report being dropped.
So incapable are the good and great peoples of Australia of absorbing the concept that thieves have been stealing from us, all the while pretending to care about our collective welfare, that the great majority of the population who speculate heavily in stocks and bonds almost immediately called their brokers to acquire more sweet shares in the wonderfully erect pillars of our communal prosperity.
Yes, that’s right. The value of the stock in the ‘big 4’ banks and the financial index generally INCREASED by around 5% on THE SAME AFTERNOON that the Banking Royal Commission released its “damning findings”.
Put another way, investors of all shades GAVE THE BANKS MORE THAN $20 BILLION IN ONE AFTERNOON as a tribute that carried with it the message that ‘now we’re past that little hiccup, we just want you to know that we think you’re A.O.K. Now please forge ahead and make us some more money.‘.
So, after months and months of admissions and revelations that, to be frank, everyone already knew but chose to ignore for decades prior, we get a ‘damning report’, a corrupt industry’s leading lights bouncing back on the stock market WITHIN HOURS, and not one single one of these parasitic bastards will pay any price whatsoever.
Business as usual.
Carry on, and feel good about the fact that your various ‘service fees’ and hyper-compounding ‘interest’ are helping this poor downtrodden group of economic angels rebound from these heinous attacks on their character. The poor bastards.