New original stream-of-consciousness intoxicated fiction or is it fiction… Who knows where this will go? Not I. Strap yourself in. WB
©ONVERSATIONS WITH THE UNIVERSE
He had no name, the large black spider wearing a top-hat and sitting opposite me at a large table – much as most people have no name for the voice of their internal monologue, the voice in their head, usually. He had no name, and we had never met, before now. He had no name and we had never met but we knew each other in some profoundly deep way that made me think of Siamese twins and how they would just know everything about each other.
So the nameless arthropod creature – who I knew so deeply, and who knew me so deeply, and who was wearing a top-hat, and who should ordinarily have scared me almost to death at the first glimpse of his immense bizarre anthropomorphic arachnoid-ness – had sat me down at his table. He knew why I was there, he told me, and how I had come to be there. He told me we should talk. He told me it was time.
I was having a hard enough time breathing, let alone comprehending why I was in what seemed to be a chamber of sorts in a very large cave of sorts and why an 8 foot tall spider wearing a top-hat was talking to me and why I felt so multi-level connected to this impossible arachnid. My throat and lungs were hot and clogged up with something thick and wet, and I rocked back hard in the chair I had managed to get myself onto to try and dislodge whatever was interfering with my routine ventilation.
After some short time I was able to slow my breathing and look around me. Certain little memories came into my head. Most of what I could see was simply darkness, but high above and behind me was a soft glow that pulsated invitingly. To my front was the big table, made of wood of some sort, about 12 foot across and so wide I could not see either end of it as it faded into the black distance to my left and my right. Across from me the spider sat, bathed in the flickering glow of two candles, one on each side of him, in big stone holders. Most everything else was dark. It felt like we were surrounded on all sides by cold stone, and it seemed like an echo chamber. I could hear my own heart-beat bouncing off a thousand different surfaces and arriving inside my head at slightly different times, only split seconds apart.
In one of those split seconds, I flashed back to before I was in here, and I was drinking from the tiny wooden cup being held to my lips and the bitter fluid filled my mouth and burned its way down my gullet and all I wanted to do was regurgitate all of my viscera. The reflexive action wrenched the inner me out of my flesh body and birthed me into this place. What had they given me? This was so much more intense and real and rapid than any other journey I’d been on. And now I realised that I felt absolutely no desire to breathe in and couldn’t recall the last breath I had taken, and I was almost sure now that maybe I had died. I actually asked myself that question, “Have I just died?”, out loud at that moment, and I was brought back from my little memory of imbibing the tonic that conceived this by the voice of the spider…
I understand now, he told me. That I was brought to this place of my own volition. I had chosen to take it all in and immediately shed the physical. My quest had commenced, he told me. And his voice was unlike anything I had ever heard, and my heart melted as I welled up with uncontrollable and overflowing seam-splitting love, like everything I was made of was suddenly full of tears and it would burst me open and flood the world.
“Welcome”, said the spider. “Welcome to The Universe. I will show you everything.”
And I lost all connection then with all feelings associated with my physical body and became just an idea existing in that space with my new friend the spider, The Universal tour guide. I was a living idea and I was nothing and I was everything and I was devoid of questions and everything in me was an answer to questions not yet asked.
A billion light years of knowledge of life and growth and creation and destruction cascaded through me, through the idea that was me, and infused itself in me and brought me into its warm loving centre.
This was home.
TO BE CONTINUED….