Welcome To City

a pic of abbott talking
“Let me be, aah, perfectly clear, um, desert towns are shit”, said the greatest leader this once great and fair nation has ever known…

The Prime Moron of Australia, tony abbott, has rolled out the welcome mat for indigenous Australians to relocate to major cities, by reminding them that they live in the desert and that cities are way better and you can get stuff in cities that you can’t get in the desert.

In a political master-stroke, abbott has saved the nation (and the good state of Western Australia) many millions of dollars and enticed entire remote indigenous communities to relocate to the city, simply by making them aware that governments cannot “endlessly subsidise lifestyle choices if those lifestyle choices are not conducive to the kind of full participation in Australian society that everyone should have”*.

Saying this with a straight face, lathered with an air of genuine and informed concern for the welfare of indigenous Australians, abbott was able to deflect all attention away from the fact that it was federal funding initially pulled from these areas, leaving the state to fill the funding gap, which it has now announced might result in up to an insignificant 150 remote indigenous communities being closed down.

Now that it’s Western Australia declaring the remote communities “unsustainable”, abbott has avoided direct blame from screeching leftards and hippy-human-rights-lovers, while driving home the message that indigenous Australians have really shit lifestyles and it was all their fault; an act of political bravery that mainstream media will interpret as a poll-bounce moment that may just save the Prime Moron’s hide.

As is now customary whenever abbott says something about a major issue, praise for this move to civilise the original inhabitants of Australia, once and for all, has emanated from all corners of social media and the wider community.

Long may he reign.

Your sycophantic abbott-lover, no matter how bad he gets,

Wick Burner

* – Actual quote

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